WHY??

There is such a profound sense of anger, sadness and frustrationinside me. I have always wanted to learn martial arts ever sinceI was very little but I was never allowed. It was only after highschool, when I turned 18, that I was told I could take up anymartial art I wanted. But by that time I had other things to doand could not either find the time or the money to learn wushu.I finally found the time and money in January 2001 but I onlylearned for three months. I had crashed my car so I had to takethe bus. But they went on strike so I couldn't go. I didn't havea job from January to July. In August, I got a job and a carand the bus company went back to service. I was pondering whetherI should go back or not. I wasn't sure if $75 a month was reallyworth what I got out of there. If it took three months just tolearn the simple ¤»¦X __, then how much money will I need to spendto get to the more advanced forms and weapons?? Yet when I seethose champions who are so good at what they do, I want to be likethem too!
I would like to give it another try despite the fact that the pricehas gone up to $85 a month. I hope I will get a better job aroundFebruary 2003 and then I will go back. I just love wushu too much.I could've gone to community centres or find some other teacherbut I don't trust those. I rather not learn at all than to learnfrom a crappy "master". At about the time I heard that Sifu gotselected to a national team or something for the 2008 Olympics,the fee went up. No surprise there; it's probably about time anyway.
I could've also been practising what I learned already all this timebut I often just feel so mixed up about it. On the one hand, I wantto practise. But on the other hand I just feel so upset that Icouldn't learn more and start a lot earlier. This is one of themajor reasons why they say that you should learn wushu when you areabout six years old - you have all the time to commit the trainingto.