wedding

There's a girl whom, I assume, first met on MSN for mp3 requests. We don't talk much and according to her Facebook she goes to UC Davis. Anyway, 8 years younger than me and looks quite decent judging by the photos. And then this guy leaves a note saying he loves her and he'll always be there, etc.

Breaks my heart when I imagine the chances that I lose because I wasn't there with so-and-so (could be anybody) as she faced the various challenges in her life that arise with each stage (ie: university, job finding). So many girls out there, not just in Canada, but also many down in the States. I do think I'm missing out.

And then, after going to the gym after work, I went to Burrard Skytrain Stn and the violin guy (moutache, glasses) started playing the Canon just as I walked by and, damn, the vision of a wedding procession just pops up in my head. The beautiful bride walking down the aisle as the groom (me?) stands waiting in the front. Will this ever take place?

I don't know. I sometimes get the feeling that something big is going to happen in the future and that a lot of people will be affected and that I have to deal with it and, if I was to have a family, it will not be good for them. Will the kids survive? Will the next generation become adults?

Or maybe it's just myself. Maybe I won't live to be a grandfather. Maybe I shouldn't even get married if I was going to die at like age 40 or something and leave my beloved wife to be a widow. Screw this. Don't let it happen to me please.

no more 10 years

And it has been like that for 4 weeks now. In preparing for the SunRun this year, I was doing my 10km walks again. The skies were clear today but wasn't going to be so in the next few days according to the forecast. Normally, I prefer walking along Kingsway to Metrotown but then I would imagine that I would rather walk on Kingsway if it's wet rather than walk on Broadway or Hastings. It started falling frozen snow (or is it frozen rain? or hail?) as I passed by Vancouver Technical (VanTech).

And it has been probably 11 years since I stepped inside that school. At the time, I didn't know which school SL went so I just checked out whichever school it was convenient for me to go to. Suppose I went in 1997, those grade 8 girls that I saw sitting around in the hall... they are probably now 25 years old now. Graduated, working, maybe even engaged. The world just continued to spin and the time machine that He-Man and She-Ra found so difficult to move continues to go.

what if

Can't remember which day I was talking with my Mom but I was showing her and Dad pictures of VC and MC (on VC's FB) and Mom said that VC looked better. I agreed with her. I've told her before that she looks better than her sister. But when it comes to "ngan yeun" (sorry, will have to type the chinese characters later, and I don't know how to translate it), her sister has more of it to me. Up to this point, I have only been able to give examples. It's a personal opinion thing and everybody's different. And I always tell my parents that I'm not looking for somebody pretty; I'm looking for somebody who is "hup ngan yeun".

Anyway, my Mom was saying that I shouldn't be so picky and I should settle for somebody who cares for me, especially if I'm not so successful career-wise. So I said, what happens if I do become successful?

Yeh.... what if....

 

 

 

 

[I cannot be unfaithful.]
I have to be able to make up my mind....
I want to love my wife and my kids (if any) and share my everything with her. I would also expect the same thing from her. We should be able to compliment each other and complete each other. Then we will be able to become one.